I wrote this down as a plan for today:
French IDs ~ 1 hr
Chronologie ~ .5-1 hr
Think Piece ~ 2 hrs
JFK research ~ ? hrs
JFK paper ~ 3 hrs
Studio art portfolio ~ 2 hrs
*Tuesday night
math test ~ 1 hr
Piano practice ~ .5 hr
Hours 5/30: 10 hours or so
Actual time spent today:
French IDs ~ 3 hrs
Chronologie ~ .5 hr
Think piece ~ 2 hrs (40% done)
JFK - has not started
math test - has not started
Piano practice ~ .75 hr
Going on internet ~ 4 hrs
....Yeah....my planning skills are pretty much shot...
I really need to work on them...
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I feel happy, oh so happy, oh so happy and witty, and --
Just last week my mom told me that she had invited a number of her co-workers to come to the upcoming Opus concert, but so far the only one who has replied in the affirmative is a guy...who just happens to be gay. I had met him before, when he dropped by at our house to pick up/drop off something, and I had guessed correctly that he was Scottish from his accent. And only now do I realize that he is gay and will bring his partner to the concert. To say the least, I was astonished. I wasn't disgusted or horrified or ecstatic; just really surprised and a tad bit curious. He is the first gay adult male I was acquainted with. Sure there had been a handful on TV, but this was a first.
Earlier this year in November, one of the social studies classes staged a series of skits designed to educate its audience about the upcoming elections and propositions. When they got to Prop 8, many people snickered or otherwise laughed in a conspicuous and derisive manner. As it so happened, all of the skits seemed to lean toward "Yes," and we left the auditorium slightly dazed by the blatantly opinionated (and sometimes rather vapid) performances.
My school has a Gay-Straight Alliance club. I know a few of its members, who often wear bright, rainbow colors around campus. One of its members was a very devoted girlfriend. I admired her for it, and was sad after she'd broken up with her girlfriend. Recently they began a campaign to raise money by putting "slur jars" in as many of their classrooms; every time someone misuses the word "gay" in a derogatory fashion must contribute monies to the slur jar. In response to the infamous Proposition 8, they rallied at the intersection in front of the school brandishing rainbow posters. At that point in time, I hadn't realized that honking one's horn at them actually meant approval as opposed to disapproval.
My opinion on homosexuality is thoroughly mixed. It has always been a delicate topic to tread around, but I don't hold anything against it and I don't believe it is necessarily a bad thing at all. I guess the fact that I'm not religious plays a factor in this, but notwithstanding I generally evade the subject whenever possible. Now comes the confusing element; it is because of a certain subgenre of obscure literature that is particularly popular in Japan that I have learned to be mostly accepting of gay couples. However, since that subgenre is restricted to fiction, I have yet to accustom myself to the real world. At any event, I try maintaining a neutral outlook on things and not to judge without sufficient prior knowledge.
My mom was 'converted' I guess to vote yes on Prop 8 because a campaigner came by and convinced her that it was the better choice, mostly because he had asserted that future generations of children will be educated that gay couples are ok. Is this true? I wouldn't be absolutely sure but I'd say No, it's not true. It's just strongly assumed that only straight couples marry. She was Pro-Prop 8 from then on. My dad, on the other hand, has met gay people before, and is accordingly anti-Prop 8. He believes that gay people are really no different from other people except for their sexual orientation and that sometimes they are even better than other, pro-Prop 8 people. My mom remained unconvinced. I found my dad's argument to be the more persuasive. I mean, hey, Leonardo da Vinci, Walt Whitman, and Oscar Wilde were all gay.
So is it really "right" that only straight couples should marry and gay couples should not? Is achieving one's happiness more important than conforming to society?
On a side note, a friend of mine who is a genius at writing fake current events and other kinds of articles of "The Onion" caliber wrote a fake article on this very issue, claiming that scientists have found 'gay' plants and a special hormone in them called 'antipropate'. He really is a genius.
Earlier this year in November, one of the social studies classes staged a series of skits designed to educate its audience about the upcoming elections and propositions. When they got to Prop 8, many people snickered or otherwise laughed in a conspicuous and derisive manner. As it so happened, all of the skits seemed to lean toward "Yes," and we left the auditorium slightly dazed by the blatantly opinionated (and sometimes rather vapid) performances.
My school has a Gay-Straight Alliance club. I know a few of its members, who often wear bright, rainbow colors around campus. One of its members was a very devoted girlfriend. I admired her for it, and was sad after she'd broken up with her girlfriend. Recently they began a campaign to raise money by putting "slur jars" in as many of their classrooms; every time someone misuses the word "gay" in a derogatory fashion must contribute monies to the slur jar. In response to the infamous Proposition 8, they rallied at the intersection in front of the school brandishing rainbow posters. At that point in time, I hadn't realized that honking one's horn at them actually meant approval as opposed to disapproval.
My opinion on homosexuality is thoroughly mixed. It has always been a delicate topic to tread around, but I don't hold anything against it and I don't believe it is necessarily a bad thing at all. I guess the fact that I'm not religious plays a factor in this, but notwithstanding I generally evade the subject whenever possible. Now comes the confusing element; it is because of a certain subgenre of obscure literature that is particularly popular in Japan that I have learned to be mostly accepting of gay couples. However, since that subgenre is restricted to fiction, I have yet to accustom myself to the real world. At any event, I try maintaining a neutral outlook on things and not to judge without sufficient prior knowledge.
My mom was 'converted' I guess to vote yes on Prop 8 because a campaigner came by and convinced her that it was the better choice, mostly because he had asserted that future generations of children will be educated that gay couples are ok. Is this true? I wouldn't be absolutely sure but I'd say No, it's not true. It's just strongly assumed that only straight couples marry. She was Pro-Prop 8 from then on. My dad, on the other hand, has met gay people before, and is accordingly anti-Prop 8. He believes that gay people are really no different from other people except for their sexual orientation and that sometimes they are even better than other, pro-Prop 8 people. My mom remained unconvinced. I found my dad's argument to be the more persuasive. I mean, hey, Leonardo da Vinci, Walt Whitman, and Oscar Wilde were all gay.
So is it really "right" that only straight couples should marry and gay couples should not? Is achieving one's happiness more important than conforming to society?
On a side note, a friend of mine who is a genius at writing fake current events and other kinds of articles of "The Onion" caliber wrote a fake article on this very issue, claiming that scientists have found 'gay' plants and a special hormone in them called 'antipropate'. He really is a genius.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
No pain, no gain
In three weeks, I will be performing a piano concerto with a professional orchestra. Guess what that means? *drumroll* I have to learn how to apply makeup.
Anticlimactic, isn't it? As a girl, makeup apparently ranks up there with clothes, iPods, cellphones, and the rest of all that teenage periphernalia. I have in my possession: a box of various eyeshadow colors, blush, a brush, a stick of mascara, and some glitter that cost $25 plus tax, some powder, eye-makeup-remover, cotton balls, a stick of red chapstick, and a bottle of perfume. That is pretty much my entire inventory. And it mostly sits in the sink cabinet collecting dust.
I tend to avoid makeup like the plague. Foundation? I'll get more pimples from it. Blush? My face blushes enough as it is. Eyeshadow? Dunno how to use it. Eyeliner? After a few hours, I become an emo (no seriously I do). Mascara? From past experiences, the smudges I get from it are not worth the trouble. Lipstick? *shudder* That's one of the worst. Not only are you restricted in your lip movements, but you end up eating most of it anyway. Oh, and then there's the tortuous task of plucking your eyebrows. Or waxing them, whichever you prefer.
I prefer a clean, natural look. Typically I cleanse my skin to keep the acne at bay, and apply chapstick after brushing my teeth. Occasionally I apply lotion on my extremities, since we live in southern California where humidity is low.
There's a pretty straightforward and, imho, reasonable explanation for my aversion. People put on makeup to make themselves look prettier so that a) they are more confident because they think they are prettier than normal and b) they attract potential mates easier.
The cliche that "what matters is the inside" has rooted itself firmly in my mind; I don't want to place my confidence in something so fallible as a synthetic outer appearance. I don't think people should judge each other by their appearances, but sadly, that has become quite a norm. I believe that people can have an inner beauty. For example, I know people who are good-looking but with lousy personalities, and people not so good-looking but with beautiful hearts and minds. Those are things I admire.
A word about attracting mates: of course, it is in our biology to be attracted to pretty people. That is partly the reason why so many women (and men) use makeup. But in the end, even with all the makeup in the world, if two people's personalities clash too much, they won't be happy. It's as simple as that. (if I'm assuming something wrong, please tell me) Also, it's not like I need a mate anyway.
I probably could be very pretty with makeup. I could be glamorous and showy. But I choose not to. I've chosen to be plain and nerdy. Half of it is because it's a big hassle, but half of it is because I want to rebel in a way. I like being different (in a smart and nerdy way) from "the norm," from most other girls who spend their days clinging to their cellphones, clothes, makeup, etc. And I want someone to like me as the plain, natural me, without any frills. Only that way would it really last. Yes, I'm sentimentally idealistic like that. Hope it happens anyway.
*sigh*
Anticlimactic, isn't it? As a girl, makeup apparently ranks up there with clothes, iPods, cellphones, and the rest of all that teenage periphernalia. I have in my possession: a box of various eyeshadow colors, blush, a brush, a stick of mascara, and some glitter that cost $25 plus tax, some powder, eye-makeup-remover, cotton balls, a stick of red chapstick, and a bottle of perfume. That is pretty much my entire inventory. And it mostly sits in the sink cabinet collecting dust.
I tend to avoid makeup like the plague. Foundation? I'll get more pimples from it. Blush? My face blushes enough as it is. Eyeshadow? Dunno how to use it. Eyeliner? After a few hours, I become an emo (no seriously I do). Mascara? From past experiences, the smudges I get from it are not worth the trouble. Lipstick? *shudder* That's one of the worst. Not only are you restricted in your lip movements, but you end up eating most of it anyway. Oh, and then there's the tortuous task of plucking your eyebrows. Or waxing them, whichever you prefer.
I prefer a clean, natural look. Typically I cleanse my skin to keep the acne at bay, and apply chapstick after brushing my teeth. Occasionally I apply lotion on my extremities, since we live in southern California where humidity is low.
There's a pretty straightforward and, imho, reasonable explanation for my aversion. People put on makeup to make themselves look prettier so that a) they are more confident because they think they are prettier than normal and b) they attract potential mates easier.
The cliche that "what matters is the inside" has rooted itself firmly in my mind; I don't want to place my confidence in something so fallible as a synthetic outer appearance. I don't think people should judge each other by their appearances, but sadly, that has become quite a norm. I believe that people can have an inner beauty. For example, I know people who are good-looking but with lousy personalities, and people not so good-looking but with beautiful hearts and minds. Those are things I admire.
A word about attracting mates: of course, it is in our biology to be attracted to pretty people. That is partly the reason why so many women (and men) use makeup. But in the end, even with all the makeup in the world, if two people's personalities clash too much, they won't be happy. It's as simple as that. (if I'm assuming something wrong, please tell me) Also, it's not like I need a mate anyway.
I probably could be very pretty with makeup. I could be glamorous and showy. But I choose not to. I've chosen to be plain and nerdy. Half of it is because it's a big hassle, but half of it is because I want to rebel in a way. I like being different (in a smart and nerdy way) from "the norm," from most other girls who spend their days clinging to their cellphones, clothes, makeup, etc. And I want someone to like me as the plain, natural me, without any frills. Only that way would it really last. Yes, I'm sentimentally idealistic like that. Hope it happens anyway.
*sigh*
Friday, May 8, 2009
On second thought...
Ok, I noticed I probably lacked any substance whatsoever in the previous post. So, I shall supplement it with this one.
The APs came more or less as a surprise. We had been preparing for them and studying for them, but when the time came, it was like they had suddenly appeared and whizzed by. Last year I only had one AP class (AP European history) and I was very stressed and anxious about it, studying for hours on end. This time around, the stress from 5 APs combined hasn't quite exceeded that of the single Euro exam last year, nor the Biology AP exam the year before.
I was a little worried if I hadn't studied long enough. I feel like I hadn't even made much of an effort to study, besides reading the Princeton review books once and doing some of the practice tests (not even all of them!).
This may also be due to a boost in confidence that I fear is fallible. See, I felt that I had performed badly on the Euro test last year, but in actuality I did very well. I had run out of time on the multiple choice section, raced through the DBQ, botched the first FRQ, scratched out (not drawing a line through everything) an unfinished second FRQ, and I still got an inexplicably high score. So this time around, I've been slacking off with my studying, thinking, "Oh, I can probably do well anyway." This thought bothers me a lot, but so far it hasn't really motivated me to actually study more. Which worries me even more.
So really the problem is still my level of self-confidence. I'm the kind of person who'd rather go into a test prepared for the worst than having too much confidence going into it and failing. There'd be less surprise if I don't do well and much pleasanter surprise if I do...
On the three tests that I've taken, I think I've done moderately well. On French I could probably only get a solid 3 at most; I'm fairly confident in getting a 5 on the Chinese but I can't say for sure and it'll have to depend on the scale; and the US test went over much smoother than I'd thought it would. The essay questions were relatively easy and I was able to finish all three of the essays overall. Granted, I'd botched the last essay and I skipped three questions and probably missed 30 more...but I actually felt pretty good about it.
My French teacher told me that the essential thing I need to do is to "relax" and have some fun (despite the enormity of the task and situation). And, to tell the truth, I think I had some fun. It always feels good to know that you know something people ask you about. That's also why I like watching Jeopardy!
Now, on to Chemistry!
The APs came more or less as a surprise. We had been preparing for them and studying for them, but when the time came, it was like they had suddenly appeared and whizzed by. Last year I only had one AP class (AP European history) and I was very stressed and anxious about it, studying for hours on end. This time around, the stress from 5 APs combined hasn't quite exceeded that of the single Euro exam last year, nor the Biology AP exam the year before.
I was a little worried if I hadn't studied long enough. I feel like I hadn't even made much of an effort to study, besides reading the Princeton review books once and doing some of the practice tests (not even all of them!).
This may also be due to a boost in confidence that I fear is fallible. See, I felt that I had performed badly on the Euro test last year, but in actuality I did very well. I had run out of time on the multiple choice section, raced through the DBQ, botched the first FRQ, scratched out (not drawing a line through everything) an unfinished second FRQ, and I still got an inexplicably high score. So this time around, I've been slacking off with my studying, thinking, "Oh, I can probably do well anyway." This thought bothers me a lot, but so far it hasn't really motivated me to actually study more. Which worries me even more.
So really the problem is still my level of self-confidence. I'm the kind of person who'd rather go into a test prepared for the worst than having too much confidence going into it and failing. There'd be less surprise if I don't do well and much pleasanter surprise if I do...
On the three tests that I've taken, I think I've done moderately well. On French I could probably only get a solid 3 at most; I'm fairly confident in getting a 5 on the Chinese but I can't say for sure and it'll have to depend on the scale; and the US test went over much smoother than I'd thought it would. The essay questions were relatively easy and I was able to finish all three of the essays overall. Granted, I'd botched the last essay and I skipped three questions and probably missed 30 more...but I actually felt pretty good about it.
My French teacher told me that the essential thing I need to do is to "relax" and have some fun (despite the enormity of the task and situation). And, to tell the truth, I think I had some fun. It always feels good to know that you know something people ask you about. That's also why I like watching Jeopardy!
Now, on to Chemistry!
It's that season again...
Three down, two more to go. If you aren't into long, rambling, very likely vapid monologues, don't read.
Monday I took the French AP exam, said to be one of the hardest AP tests there are. The night before I almost let the nervousness pervade and ruin my sleep, but I managed to keep it at bay, releasing it fully at the appropriate time. Including me, 7 people took it; two were native French-speakers. Obviously, their speaking skills far exceeded the rest of ours, and especially mine since I've been notorious for not speaking at all. This exam was truly a test, mentally and physically (we got out at 4:30). A lot of comprehension goes into it. I was amazed that I could actually understand some of the listening questions and dialogues. The reading was mediocre, and I hope my dissertation wasn't too rambling or incomprehensible. It was like an SAT essay except in French. =_= Turns out, my AP French review book had harder listening and reading practices than the actual test, so I was relieved. The speaking part, the very last part of the exam in which everyone gets a mini-recorder and cassette, still proved challenging. Sadly, the graders won't realize just how much an effort I might be making compared to normal people. At least Mr. Carpenter had reminded us on how to physically use technology from 10 years ago. All of us had either forgotten or never learned which way to slide the cassette into its designated slot.
Now what was interesting was: ETS made a mistake and neglected to give us time to answer two of the listening questions in the first part of the exam. So, today all of us had to go to the counseling office where they asked us if we wanted to let those two questions be cancelled by procedure or if we wanted to retake that section of the exam.
So the conclusion? No more French!!! Doubtless I will try and preserve some of my language skills for future reference, but that took a sizable burden off my chest. I'm opting for a 3.
Then there was the AP Chinese exam. My mom had signed me up for the third period chinese AP class at Chinese school. It helped familiarize me with the format and style of the exam, but I relied mostly on my own prior knowledge. The speaking part was marginally better in that I could at least know how to say something. This time there were four other people (all Chinese) taking it. We got to use fancy earphones with microphones attached to the side. I wonder why they don't do that for the AP French exam where all of us listen to one CD...
Conclusion? No more Chinese!!! Hahahahahahahaha I won't be going to Chinese school anymore after this. I'll have "graduated" anyway.
I took my AP U.S. History exam this morning. I hadn't slept enough the night before, and it was a morning test as well. I barely stayed awake to finish the multiple choice section. The tides of slumber incessantly dragged me away from the waking world, but I only allowed it to pull me out when I finished answering as many questions as I could. I slumped over my test and closed my eyes. I didn't actually fall asleep though, sadly enough. I can feel incredibly tired, but when I finally close my eyes and lay my head down, I don't fully sleep. I've only done so on rare occasions and feel tremendously rejuvenated, but most times I get up again after a while, still tired but slightly less so. The essays were not all that bad, to tell the truth. What was annoying was that my middle finger got so sore from it that I have to hold my pencil differently to do my math homework.
Now all that's left is Chemistry and English. Woot! Chem is fine, but I'm not looking forward to writing those essays...
Monday I took the French AP exam, said to be one of the hardest AP tests there are. The night before I almost let the nervousness pervade and ruin my sleep, but I managed to keep it at bay, releasing it fully at the appropriate time. Including me, 7 people took it; two were native French-speakers. Obviously, their speaking skills far exceeded the rest of ours, and especially mine since I've been notorious for not speaking at all. This exam was truly a test, mentally and physically (we got out at 4:30). A lot of comprehension goes into it. I was amazed that I could actually understand some of the listening questions and dialogues. The reading was mediocre, and I hope my dissertation wasn't too rambling or incomprehensible. It was like an SAT essay except in French. =_= Turns out, my AP French review book had harder listening and reading practices than the actual test, so I was relieved. The speaking part, the very last part of the exam in which everyone gets a mini-recorder and cassette, still proved challenging. Sadly, the graders won't realize just how much an effort I might be making compared to normal people. At least Mr. Carpenter had reminded us on how to physically use technology from 10 years ago. All of us had either forgotten or never learned which way to slide the cassette into its designated slot.
Now what was interesting was: ETS made a mistake and neglected to give us time to answer two of the listening questions in the first part of the exam. So, today all of us had to go to the counseling office where they asked us if we wanted to let those two questions be cancelled by procedure or if we wanted to retake that section of the exam.
So the conclusion? No more French!!! Doubtless I will try and preserve some of my language skills for future reference, but that took a sizable burden off my chest. I'm opting for a 3.
Then there was the AP Chinese exam. My mom had signed me up for the third period chinese AP class at Chinese school. It helped familiarize me with the format and style of the exam, but I relied mostly on my own prior knowledge. The speaking part was marginally better in that I could at least know how to say something. This time there were four other people (all Chinese) taking it. We got to use fancy earphones with microphones attached to the side. I wonder why they don't do that for the AP French exam where all of us listen to one CD...
Conclusion? No more Chinese!!! Hahahahahahahaha I won't be going to Chinese school anymore after this. I'll have "graduated" anyway.
I took my AP U.S. History exam this morning. I hadn't slept enough the night before, and it was a morning test as well. I barely stayed awake to finish the multiple choice section. The tides of slumber incessantly dragged me away from the waking world, but I only allowed it to pull me out when I finished answering as many questions as I could. I slumped over my test and closed my eyes. I didn't actually fall asleep though, sadly enough. I can feel incredibly tired, but when I finally close my eyes and lay my head down, I don't fully sleep. I've only done so on rare occasions and feel tremendously rejuvenated, but most times I get up again after a while, still tired but slightly less so. The essays were not all that bad, to tell the truth. What was annoying was that my middle finger got so sore from it that I have to hold my pencil differently to do my math homework.
Now all that's left is Chemistry and English. Woot! Chem is fine, but I'm not looking forward to writing those essays...
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